Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
