Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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