I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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