Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
