I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
