you win again, gameday.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize