Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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