Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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