Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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