You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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