woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
