take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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