His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
