I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
COCAINE IS GR8
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
