you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
