jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize