you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize