Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The Olympian is in my bed
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
