3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
