I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
