And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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