so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
