Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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