There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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