Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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