Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
