he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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