He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
