Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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