Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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