As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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