he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he fucked my hip out of place.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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