you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
