One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
