I love watching others lives come down to our level.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
