What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
