At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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