STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
MIDGETS
????
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
