just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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