Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this beer tastes like vomit already
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
