How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
