Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just tell him i said nine months
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
