dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
