I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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