we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
