I got chris browned last night
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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