So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
