Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
