so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
