Cold hands, warm shart.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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