he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize