I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
