I need to stop coming to work sober
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
