Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
