Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
