That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
