I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
