i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
