everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
