Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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