You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
