im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
