Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
