How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
