what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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