the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
